Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in rosie's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Tuesday, March 30th, 2004
4:44 pm	yesterday i learned a lot if things yesterday. i learned what it feels like to have one person stab you and rip out your heart ti tiny pieces. i learned that there are several songs that are simply written for me at that specific moment. i remember what it feels like to be alone. i remembered what it feels like to really cry. i remembered the sharp, stinging pain of bad spirits from people you care about. but only yesterday did i learn that one mistake can make a life so full of love and smiles feel like a huge, empty darkness that you can't stand to look at but can't run away from. i know that maybe i shouldn't have said what i did at that point. but i really don't think the punishment was suited to the crime. Everything has changed now. and i'm not sorry. i'm not sorry for the way i feel. i'm not sorry for wanting to be happy. i'm not sorry for being a good friend for months and expecting it back. if you're looking for an apology from a weak, quiet, young, good girl you will not find it here. i only hope that one day both of you will wake up and realise the good, young, quiet girl you've thrown away. But i would like to thank my real friends, the ones who were there for me as i cried. those will be the people i look for in the future. those people will be my hope. Current Mood: crushed Current Music: lost prophets - last train home (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 17th, 2004
2:54 am	ugh... ugh...that's about all i can say right now. I seem to have a bad case of insommnia, having gone to bed at seven, yes seven, given up sleeping by 2. I've got a sore throat which apparently may or may not be serious and i feel generally crappy. I know i haven't updated in aaaaages (sorry) but i've been busy. i have recently discovered the reason for coursework - to kill us all. And of course, Roche being Roche, my maths coursework has to be at a level standard. I'm in year 10 for fucks sake!!!! i feel physically, mentally and emotionally drained. if anyone knows a cure to any of these, please tell me!! Current Mood: drained Current Music: whatever random crap enters my head (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 4th, 2003
5:31 pm	grrrr why do good times fade and bad times linger? now, cos i am in that kinda mood, here are some very appropriate songwords that suit me: rush into my depression, sacrifice EVERYTHING, waste with me into nothing, well now you're STUCK WITH ME just stuck, hollow and a lone, and the fault is my own, and the fault is my own didn't mean to decieve you, believe me so i'll take what you really should give, and i'll teach myself to live with a walk-on part of a background shot of a movie i'm not in it's alright to tell me what you think about me i won't try to argue or hold it against you, i know that you're leavin you must have your reasons the season i callin your pictures are fallin down and it's happened once again, i'll turn to a friend, someone that understands, sees through the master plan, but everbody's gone and i've been here far too long to face this on my own, well i guess this is growing up mom and dad posses the key: instant slavery, no need explain the plan, no need to even bother, i'll pack my bags, i swear, i'll run. wich my friends were 21 let's start with something good; some good things must end the candle burning at both ends it's awkward tryin to make my move, i'll pretend that i'm fine, so i'll bide my time, but i know i'll never be that cool. i never wanted to hold you back, i just wanted to hold on but my chance is gone, i know just where i stand tell me what you thought about when you were gone and so alone, the worst is over, you can have the best of me, we got older but we're still young, we never grew out of this feeling that we won't give up do you have the time to listen to me whine about nothin and everythin all at once? i am one of those melodromatic fools, neurotic to the bone no doubt about it. sometimes i give myself the creeps. sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. it all keep endin up, i think i'm crackin up, am i just paranoid, am i just stoned? Another turnin point, a fork stuck in the road, tongue grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go, so make best of the days and don't ask why, it's not a question but a lesson learned in time, it's somethin unpredictable but in the end it's right, i hope you had the time of your life, so take the photographs and still frames in your mind, hang it on a shelf in good health and good time tattoos and memories ad dead skin on dry, for what it's worth it was worth it all the while i'm bouncin off the walls again and i'm lookin like a fool again, so go ahead and take a picture and hang it up so you can tear me down tonight i'll stand in the light so you can count how many tears fall from my eyes, my heart can't get any worse forget everything that we have done, erase me from you memory, don't call. don't ask about me until the day when everything's over and what if i dont would you even care? would you even care ...and that's all the songs i can be bothered with right now...i'll add more later Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: ...all the above... (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 30th, 2003
5:29 pm	update... well i haven't written for ages, so i'll just update y'all it's my birthdat in a week^_^ and i'm off bowling with everyone from d&d, and my other two bestest friends :-D YAY I'M GONNA BE 15!!! I'm feeling a bit unwanted again, and have a bit of a cold. :-( But never mind... I am now getting far too much homework and my school life is a living hell, but there's no change there. Why do i always feel so unimportant? Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: new found glory - forget everything (Comment on this)
Friday, November 14th, 2003
4:44 pm	ANGRY!! ok, am gonna get it outta my system AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGKKKKKKKKIIIIIDDDDDDDDDDSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Current Mood: enraged (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 6th, 2003
8:12 pm	it has come to my attention that i rarely get any comments well the title really says it all Current Mood: intimidated Current Music: the darkness-a thing called love (still) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
7:35 pm	fuckin bitches!! right, well last night was bonfire night so me n all d&d ppl went to heslam park ^_^ so we all watched the fireworks, jenjen was hyper on toffe apples n we were generally havin a good time. Wen we left heslam park, jenjen n grem went home cos jenjen had a big test to do (awwww poor jenjen(})), later everyone else left till there was just me, dee, mark, tom and guy left. We were just messin abut for a while, they weren't lettin "kids" in cos they were "causin too much trouble" so we were takin the piss really. then the trouble started. ok...let's just say it wasn't pleasant, i've already told everyone about it already who needs to know and jenjen you don't need to fuss, i didn't get hit, i just hope mark and deedee are alright:( but now i'm scared of going out of my house cos i might get the shit kicked outta me :( Current Mood: scared Current Music: the darkness-a thing called love (dont ask why) (Comment on this)
Friday, October 31st, 2003
2:59 pm	afterthought ooooooooooooooh yeeeeeaaahhh...thankyou fish for getting me SoBe ^_^ Current Mood: thankful Current Music: greenday- haha you're dead (still)(nooooo) (Comment on this)
2:52 pm	THEY KILLED HER:'( JENJEN YOU ARE EVIL I CANT BELIEVE THEY KILLED HER. JENJEN YOU ARE EEEEEVIL!!!! AND GARY. AND TOM (for laughing at me and shootine me:'(). AND...no, wait, i'm not mad at deedee, or fish...or mark...or guy, but JENJEN HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME?!?!?! MY TWIN, THAT I WAS TELEPATICALLY LINKED TO FOR 120 YEARS IS DEAD!! :'( nnnnext time, if ANYONE tries to speak to me, or says ANYTHING tht offends me, they will be introduced to my FIST!!! GRRRRRR :'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'( Current Mood: shocked Current Music: greenday- haha you're dead (nooooo) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 29th, 2003
8:58 am	skiing ok, i had 1 lesson skiing and i have come to the conclusion that i CANNOT SKI. if i hadnt had an INCREDIBLY fit skiing instructor it would have been a completely wasted day. i wouldn't have minded not being able to ski but it involved a lot of pain and i was in a crowded place with a lot of people and was holding everyone up. My shoulders and upper arms now hate me for going up the slope on that rope. OUCH!!! I've been to the cinema alot recently, went with mark to see bad boys 2, with jessi and david and steve to see finding nemo, went again 2 days later with my sister to see finding nemo again, and i'm off this saturday to see bad boys 2 again :-D. Finding nemo is a grrrreat film:-D, i've seen it twice in 3 days. All i can say is wow, wish i could speak whale:-P I found who the "matt from busted" really is lol. He is a 23 year old Canadian systems engineer or something like that. LMAO. awwww:(i feel so used lol:-P but anyway, back to OUCH!!! my shoulders are really hating me right now, and...OUCH!!! anyway, i've got to go wash up *snarl* Current Mood: sore Current Music: "i could run away with you" whatever that song's called (Comment on this)
Friday, October 24th, 2003
6:24 pm	lol!!! lol!!! i've been told by some random lass that added me to her msn that the busted lads are gay and in a love triangle...(believable), she goes out with James (WOAH, STOP, LIAR), and that she has just given me Matt's msn addi. LMAO!!!!!!!!!! Woooo she really does like to take a lie and carry on with it lol lol lol. well everyone better be nice to me, i got famous friends now, lol :-P Current Mood: amused Current Music: random busted song :-P (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 23rd, 2003
4:38 pm	the way things are... ok, so i've done a lot of complainin recently, but i haven't really said what's been goin on. firstly, ash dumped me, which was upsetting at the time, but i always kew it wouldnt work, so i'm not completely heartbroken over that. at school i am havin the piss taken outta me, mainly cos i am a geek, but also partially cos i apparently look lik a russian lesbian :-S at home, i could swear my sister is gettin worse, she really seems to hate me now (i gnerally hate myself) at d&d i am not jennnis twin :-P we have +5 charisma and the skill seduction (thankyou very much jenjen) i have not really been sleepin at all lately, and am therefore going stupid with lack of sleep but when i eventually do get to sleep, i've been havin a lot of wierd dreams about morals; like when you wanna do something, but you'd never gte the chance to do it, but even if you did get the chance it's wrong? well i've bein avin dreams where i did get the chance, but had to make the choice between doing it or not, right and wrong, good and...you get the picture so now i'm wakin up in wierd moods does anyone know what this means...? if you do, plz tell me, cos its confuzin :( plus i am annoyed because... i'm like an extra, the person you talk to when there's noone else there to talk to, and it's annoying me because there are all of about 3 people that (i hope) i actually matter to. and that annoys me Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: reel big fish-take on me (:-D) (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 19th, 2003
2:15 pm	to hell wiv lads, can't be bothered anymore yeah, that's exactly what i mean. no, i'm not gay (and i'm not saying there's anythng wrong with bein gay, i'm just not is all), i just can't be bothered with lads. cos all bein "with" a lad seems to mean is sex, and i really cant' be bothered with it all right now, i've got enough problems as it is. Current Mood: pessimistic Current Music: some crappy guides song someone got stuck in my head (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 15th, 2003
10:42 pm	great. really bloody fantastic. well this morning i had a great boyfriend, and now i don't. aint that just bloody fantastic. Current Mood: rejected Current Music: what does it fuckin matter??? (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 9th, 2003
4:28 pm	ouch!!! well right now i'm a cross between about to be sick, and feeling like there are lots of nasty little men tryin to drill holes in my head. Last night i was sick, (that's why i dint go to d&d), but i still had to go to school!! Poor me Ouch!! So i'm gonna go lie down now...rest my poor ickle head... Current Mood: sick Current Music: linkin park...don't know what it's called (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 8th, 2003
4:14 pm	fuckin kids!!! i am "just a lil bit annoyed" right now, because after a summer of not hearing it, the song "not gonna get us" (tatu) being sung at you, gets damn irritating!!! i fucking hate everyone at my school. Current Mood: angry Current Music: blink 182 - fuck a dog (don't ask) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 7th, 2003
9:23 pm	has anyone seen any emotions lying around? theyre probably mine... right I have figured out a cycle of emotions that my life takes. This cycle usually takes about 3 days to complete: 1)im happy, generally peaceful 2)i go hyper n really wierd 3)i lose my emotions altogether 4)i get them back, realise how crap my life is, go really depressed, complain, have someone cheer me up and go hyper agen 5)i go kinda depressd agen 6)peaceful, and it starts all over again. Right now i nearing the end of my emotionlessness, so guess what i have to look forward to next? Current Mood: blah Current Music: Greenday - no pride (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 2nd, 2003
4:49 pm	song lalalalalalalalaaaaa Linkin park - somewhere i belong "...just stuck, hollow and alone, and the fault is my own, and the fault is my own..." I am feeling like that kinda right now. Its like my personality seems to repel people and the people that are supposed to be my friend are older than me, and see each other every day, whereas i dont see them a lot so i feel alone, so they probably have more to talk about. Plus it is a fact that i bore people, because when i am not depressed i never seem to stop talkin, and when i dont talk other people don't seem to talk so i have decided that i am nothing but a flaw, people don't really like me i am useless and friendless. That accounts for the hollow bit. The stuck bit is that i can't change my entire personality, and i wouldn't know how, so as far as i can tell i am stuck. The fault is my own part is because i always see it as my fault that i drive people away. So basically i am just generally miserable. Current Mood: lonely Current Music: obvious (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
9:03 pm	YAY I DIDNT SCREW IT UP YAY I DIDNT SCREW IT UP!! MY DRAMA THING WASNT SCREWED UP EVEN THOUGH I CRIED IN THE DRESS REHEARSAL COS I DID IT RONG N MY HEAD HURT!!! YAY!!!!! my name on msn has been all angrified and in a very "i hate you" tone of voice. But either nobody has notice, or nobody cares :-( I am annoyed, cos i kno a lot of people older than me, and they all seem to (metaphorically) look down on me. It is incredibly patronising !!! So if any of you are reading this, and this is to EVERYONE older than me, please stop being so patronsisng. Or maybe it's just my general personality ASKS to be patronised or something Ah well Current Mood: jubilant Current Music: the darkness - (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 30th, 2003
9:49 pm	i need a hug:-( i'm ill i need a hug:-( i've got a really annoyin cold, my head keeps hurtin and i have massice blisters on my feet. I have a sore throat and tomorrow i am doing a play for the open evening, so i'll have all the little annoying year sixes staring at me. Plus in the play i say just about everything, so i ahve a lot of lines to memorise and be able to say fluently by...tomorrow. This is hard. Can i go back to having no homework please? *hopeful look* Fine:'( I am annoyed at my computer right now because it deleted an essay i wrote, then deleted half of it again. Grrrr...then i found out that i had maths AND history homework to do...not great to find out at 8 in the mornin. Current Mood: tired Current Music: GC - day that i die (1 Comment |Comment on this)